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Cabrini: My First Impressions

Happy Women’s History Month, everybody! The time of year when we band together to remember and celebrate all of the unique contributions women have made. To celebrate, I would like to bring your attention to an oft forgotten yet vital figure not only in women’s history, but Italian American and Catholic history. I am talking about none other than Saint Frances Xavier Cabrini, Mother Cabrini for short. As the title suggests, this post will cover my first impressions of the newly released movie. As well as what it means to me as both a cradle Catholic and a woman.

First, it is important to note that I was already familiar with Mother Cabrini. I first heard her story from the children’s podcast series Saints Alive. Learning about everything she had accomplished in the face of such hardships made me wish someone had told me about her earlier. So when I found out that a biographical movie based on the life of Mother Cabrini produced by Angel Studios was being released in theaters, I had quite a response.

The best word I can use to describe my initial response to the news is nervouscited (a combination of nervous and excited.) Part of me was nervous because religious media has a shoddy reputation. With very few exceptions, many modern pieces of entertainment meant to teach about religion or use religious themes tend to be polarizing, either deemed too preachy by secular audiences or too shallow by religious audiences. My next concern was regarding some of the emotional scenes depicted in the trailers. I was still carrying a heavy emotional burden from the most recent season of The Chosen, which I will explain in more depth in a separate post. I was afraid that the movie would trigger my hyperempathy and send me into an emotional meltdown.

Another side of me could hardly contain my excitement! After learning about Mother Cabrini, I thought about how many people had been kept in the dark about her story. After all, I hadn’t heard of her until I was an adult. In fact, there are very few mainstream movies about the saints and even fewer about women and girls who were saints. I thought If this movie turns out to be a success, it could open up a whole new realm of possibilities!

I didn’t have to wonder much longer as I finally got the chance to see it in theaters. Although I wasn’t fortunate enough to see its premier on International Women’s History Day, I was able to see it the following weekend. So now that I’ve seen it what do I think? I can summarize my thoughts in one word: Amazing! But I’m sure you want to know why I hold such a high opinion of this movie. So, I’ll provide a few more words to explain it.

Now, as I mentioned before I was born and baptized Catholic and I still practice my faith devoutly to this day. However, this does not mean that any movie featuring a Christian protagonist or exploring Christian themes gets an automatic pass from me. In fact, I have seen plenty of religious movies which come across as boring or preachy. Thankfully, Cabrini is neither.

Although the movie tackles very serious themes, it isn’t afraid to have some fun once in a while. One example which comes to my mind is the puppet show at the Italian American festival. This scene briefly emphasizes the discrimination and police brutality many Italian Americans faced at the time but in a humorous way. Humor can help grab people’s attention when they may otherwise turn a blind eye to a certain subject. It can also help people find relief in the face of those obstacles and diminish the power of people who use fear to overpower others.

Then there’s the scene where Mother Cabrini and her assistant are playfully throwing mud at each-other while standing in the well that was once thought to be completely dry. This scene, along with many others, depicted a woman who was able to find joy in even the smallest things in life and was not afraid to get her hands dirty. It also reminded me of the nuns who taught classes at my school when I was young. I admit I was so entranced by their holiness that I even became somewhat intimidated. I thought How can I measure up to that? Thankfully, this scene reinstated what I quickly learned after a few short days in class: it is possible to be both fun and holy.

As I stated previously, many faith-based movies haven’t been well-received by modern audiences. Some spend so much of the runtime preaching their theology that it never succeeds at telling a compelling story. Others try so hard to be marketable and appealing to a wider audience that the religion barely factors into the narrative. The people behind Cabrini were faced with a challenging task. They wanted a movie that could be shown to audiences in theaters across the united states, some of whom may not come from a Catholic background. At the same time, they couldn’t ignore the religious aspect since Cabrini herself was not only a missionary, but a nun as well.

In my opinion, they struck just the right balance between appealing to religious audiences while still being palatable for secular audiences. When I think of this movie, I recall this verse from the book of James “Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.” James 2:17

While we do see Mother Cabrini consulting with religious leaders and occasionally talking about God, these scenes don’t make up the majority of the runtime. Instead of preaching religious message to the audience, Cabrini gives them a chance to shine through the saint’s actions. When she opens her home in America to the orphaned, immigrant children, audiences are able to witness how much love God has even for the people rejected by others. When she eventually succeeds after encountering obstacle after obstacle, the audience is able to understand the importance of persisting in the face of setbacks. These moments contribute to the overall message of finding hope, which is something people need now more than ever.

Throughout her time in New York, Cabrini receives constant objections from both the priest and the archbishop. Although I haven’t seen much uproar over this aspect of the movie, I understand some people may be uncomfortable with how some of the members of the clergy are depicted. However, I personally did not have a problem with this. During my time in school, I learned about various Church scandals and I’ve heard about even more of them as an adult. After all, the leaders of the Church are only human and humans are capable of falling prey to the consequences of sin. Therefore, the actions of the priest and archbishop are a reflection of the systemic sexism and ethnic prejudice at the time rather than the Catholic Church as a whole.

In my opinion, Cabrini definitely succeeds from a religious angle. But how is it as a movie? Well, I must admit that I haven’t seen many biographical movies. However, watching this movie has made me want to check out some others. Like many movies in this genre, instead of following a linear plot about a character going from point A to point B, this movie features Mother Cabrini’s involvement in various events during her time in New York while facing a series of smaller conflicts with the main conflict lingering in the background until near the end of the movie. Although it certainly helps to know her story before going in, those who haven’t heard it will likely understand the simple plot of a woman wanting to serve the poor while fighting against poor health and prejudice.

Personally, I think Cabrini more than makes up for being light on plot with how it depicts its main character, which I’ll cover in more depth later, and its brilliant visuals. Nowhere is the latter more apparent than in the contrast between the bright color schemes in Italy and the duller, paler hues of the working class sections of New York.

It also succeeds in how it depicts the challenges faced by immigrants at the time. In the opening where we see a young boy pushing the body of a woman in a wheelbarrow through the bustling streets. When he finally reaches the hospital, his cries for help are brushed off and he is promptly tossed back out onto the street by the police. This is also evident in the scenes where onlookers laugh and hurl slurs at Mother Cabrini. Then there are the moments where she flocks to the archbishop seeking assistance only to be brushed off because she’s a woman, although he never admits this. These scenes depict prejudice without coming across as cartoony or gratuitous.

This movie also raises some thought-provoking questions about what immigrants went through back then and to this day. How many people knew the Italians were once such a marginalized group? How many immigrants today have had to hear similar slurs and insults? How many of them have been prohibited from receiving basic human resources because of the language barrier? How do they preserve their original cultures while trying to assimilate into a new, western culture? What is the Catholic Church doing to help these people? What more can be done to help them?

There’s just one improvement that I believe could have been made. In one scene, Cabrini mentions that she nearly drowned as a child. Flashbacks of her near-death experience are also dispersed throughout the movie. Personally, I would like to have seen more scenes from her childhood. Cabrini was born two months premature which not only explains her poor health, but also establishes her as a fighter from an early age. Also, like many of the saints, she discovered her calling as a missionary when she was just a girl. This would have given viewers some more insight into her character and what led her to her current circumstances.

Now that I have covered what this movie means to me as a practicing Catholic and a moviegoer, I want to discuss how it impacted me as a woman.

As stated previously, I first heard Mother Cabrini’s story through her Saints Alive episode. The episode opens with a young girl named Emma asking “Why do men get to do all of the important things?” I could definitely relate to this sentiment growing up. When I aged out of the all-girls autism social groups for kids and teens, I became one of only three or four women among the many men in the group. When the boy scout and girl scout troop leaders pitched their groups to my class, I learned that the boys could go camping and build marshmallow cannons while the girls could have sleepovers at the football field and drink soda. During my schooldays, the priests would often ask the boys in my class to help with special assignments before, during, after, or between Mass. Meanwhile, the nuns never asked me or any of the girls to assist them with anything.

Then I wondered how many girls could be having the same thought. How could they not when so many people only talk about the accomplishments of the men in the Bible and the male saints? Most religious pieces of media present girls and women solely as spectators on the sidelines of men’s lives. Meanwhile secular media tends to shun any traits typically associated with femineity by encouraging women to be completely independent. That’s why I’m so thankful for Cabrini.

While Mother Cabrini opted for a life as a missionary rather than a wife, she also chose to found an orphanage for the troubled, immigrant children in the community. This emphasizes two very important points. First, it demonstrates that declining married life and caring for children are both valid ways of expressing womanhood. Second, it reminds viewers that family is not limited to the people we are born to. We can choose to include the people in our lives who provide us with ongoing social and emotional support as part of our families. Even Mother Cabrini herself states this, which brings me to by next point.

Anyone who has read the Bible will likely recall the numerous stories of women who have been deemed “sinful” or “unclean.” From the story Samaritan woman at the well to the woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears, there are too many examples of self-proclaimed holy people turning their noses up at women they should be helping. Sadly, this isn’t an uncommon phenomenon today. Too often women and girls who say the wrong things or wear the wrong outfits are harshly punished without any consideration for their circumstances.

Mother Cabrini’s interactions with a young woman who works as a prostitute remind us how people like her should be treated. Instead of condemning her for her lifestyle, she takes her under her wing and tends to her wounds, both physical and metaphorical. This is exemplified in the scene after the young woman kills her attacker in self-defense. After lamenting about how broken and filthy she is, Mother Cabrini responds with something like “We cannot choose who we are born to. But God calls us to choose the path He is calling us towards.”

I think the reason why this movie resonated with me so deeply is because many parts of Mother Cabrini’s story remind me of my own. Throughout my adolescence I observed various displays of femineity both in the media and in the world around me. It seemed every other girl had a certain group or archetype that seemed to fit her perfectly. At my school alone there were the scholars, the athletes, the socialites and the artists among others. In the movies and on TV I saw girls like Black Widow, the super spy and great covert assassin with superhuman strength and agility. Then there’s Moana, a girl who braved the seas and held command over the god of the wind and sea even at the young age of sixteen.

I was nothing like these girls. I was the goody-two-shoes who rarely broke the rules. I was the last one to finish running laps in P.E class. I wore my heart on my sleeve and I wouldn’t hesitate to give it to those in need. However, I spent most of my school days sitting on the sidelines, waiting for someone else to make the first move towards friendship so I wouldn’t risk making a big mistake. I soon found myself asking Am I doing this whole “girl thing” right? Where do I fit in? How can I be strong? How can I measure up to this idea of a “strong, empowered woman?”

After seeing learning about the life of Mother Cabrini, I learned about a different kind of strength. A quieter, simpler, but equally valid sort of strength. Instead of combatting her problems with brute force or sharp-tongued comebacks, she attempts to meet her detractors at their level in an attempt to reach a compromise.

Nowhere is this more evident than the scene where she approaches a local journalist to write an exposé about the harsh lives of the immigrants. After being brushed off on so many occasions, one would hardly blame her if she lashed out at him. Instead she invited him to come with her to the immigrant neighborhoods, allowing reality to speak for itself. During my time in college, I allowed my professors and classmates to gain an understanding of the individual strengths and challenges of autistic women in a neurotypical-centered world through my essays and presentations. I created this blog in hopes of continuing this mission.

However, what I admire most about Mother Cabrini is her kind heart. Too often kindness is falsely conflated with weakness or foolishness. On the contrary, it takes a great deal of strength to stand up for people who are being treated badly or to speak out against injustice even when you’re the minority as Cabrini herself demonstrates. It takes even greater strength to open your heart and home to those in need. As someone who majored in social work, I can attest to this. I aim to follow in her footsteps by volunteering as a Teammates mentor for at-risk children.

It’s been said that well-behaved women don’t make history. Modern media often reflects this statement by solely focusing on women who are loud or physically strong. Cabrini offers a breath of fresh air by shedding some light on an ordinary woman who performed extraordinary acts of kindness. With the amount of praise this movie has received from moviegoers and critics, there’s a growing opportunity for more women in the Bible and the Catholic Church to have their stories told in theaters across the U.S, maybe even the world. Perhaps well-behaved women, like me, can and should make history.

My Struggle with Secondhand Trauma

I’m not sure exactly where to start with this post. This is something that I’ve carried with me for a little over a year and I’ve only recently decided that it’s worth sharing on my blog. After all, this blog is supposed to give you an insight into who I am and that includes my interests, ambitions, strengths, weaknesses, challenges, and even my setbacks. Well, I guess a good place to start would be the very beginning.

Where it All Began

The year was 2020 which, as you know, was an extremely trying year for just about everyone. But for some people, it was loaded with some additional obstacles. In my case, that was my final semester of my Senior year of college. Once you become a Senior, you’re required to do a practicum (kind of like an internship) for your field of study. In my case, that field was social work. So, after many days and weeks and months of searching during my summer break, I finally managed to find an organization where I could fulfill my practicum requirement.

Although it took some getting used to, my practicum started off as an overall positive experience. I learned a lot of valuable information, I met some very kind and hard-working people, and I even reorganized the layout of the food bank. Little did I know something in the next few months would send me hurtling toward rock bottom.

It was a cold Sunday evening in November 2020. I was in the family room preparing for school the next day when my mom came in and informed me that she was going up to Church to light a candle for her friend’s son. That’s when I remembered an unopened prayer request email I had received from the organization where I was doing my practicum. I opened the email to find a message that read something along the lines of: “Prayer request for Iliana Delphine Connelly (name changed) who died before birth.”

As I read on, I realized that the message was referring to the baby daughter of one of the female employees I was closest to. She had served as sort of a mentor figure to me and showed me a substantial amount of patience when I was just starting out.

How do I even begin to describe how hard this news hit me? I could say it was like I had been shot through the heart or like I had fallen into a pit or like my whole world faded to black, but even those would be understatements. Needless to say, I was a total wreck. I could hardly sleep that night and I didn’t even want to write in my journal. Since most of my ideas were about pregnancy or childbirth, I thought it would be disrespectful in light of the circumstances even though they would be safely tucked away in my journal.

Naturally, I didn’t feel like going to my class the next day, but I knew I had to. Although I managed to convince myself to attend class, I had a lot of trouble paying attention. The grief and agony followed me around everywhere like a shadow monster, constantly taunting me with that horrible memory. Thankfully, my teacher understood. When I told her about this during our meeting, she offered me her condolences and told me she understood why I seemed so off during class. She even offered to help me arrange an appointment with the on-campus therapist, but I declined only because I had already decided on a different therapist.

An Emotional Rollercoaster

Ever since that day I’ve had my emotional ups and downs. When I started seeing my therapist, she walked me through a technique called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR.) After seeing her for about a year, I felt much more at-ease and in control of my emotions. Then things got bad again when she went of sabbatical. I tried to see it as an opportunity to implement what we had learned and to take my mental health into my own hands. But then I had two encounters that really knocked me for a loop.

The first was when I was browsing Tumblr for some Hadestown fan art. I found some artwork depicting scenes and characters from a Hadestown fan fiction I found on Archive of Our Own. I won’t reveal the name of the work or the author in order to spare them from any possible harassment. However, I will mention that several chapters involved Hades and Persephone losing a baby. My second encounter was when I looked up the ending to the game Hades where Zagreus, the protagonist, learns that he was a stillborn and Persephone, his biological mother, became so overcome with grief that she couldn’t take life in the underworld and left as a result. Not helping is that the player apparently has to beat the game multiple times thus forcing Persephone to re-live her trauma by witnessing her son die again and again.

See, I usually turn to musicals and Greek myths for comfort during difficult or stressful times. While they obviously aren’t immune to darker themes, I hadn’t encountered any themes that had reminded me of such a personal tragedy. That’s when a million different questions started running through my head, such as: If Hades and Persephone are immortal, wouldn’t their children be immortal by extension? Several of the myths have shown that gods are good at surviving extreme circumstances even before birth. So, how is it even possible for a goddess to lose a baby? How could the fates possibly have any control over the other gods? If it’s possible for a goddess to lose a baby, why hasn’t this happened to any of the other goddesses? If this universe establishes that there is a life after death, why do they act like the baby is gone, gone? Why is this such a common plotline for Hades and Persephone, when there are a myriad of other conflicts and plotlines that could be used?

It didn’t help that I was already going through a lot in my personal life. I was undergoing a considerable amount of stress at my job and I didn’t exactly see eye-to-eye with one of the teachers I was assisting. In addition to this, my parents were trying to get my brother into treatment for substance abuse problems. I didn’t even have the support of my therapist because I eventually found out she wouldn’t be returning to her practice due to some vague health problems.

I would have days or even weeks with little to no anxiety, but then those bad feeling would creep up on me again after some time. It was a continuous pattern that I desperately wanted to escape.

Growth and Healing

At first, I tried to blame the artists who made and posted the upsetting content. That’s not to say I contacted them directly or made any posts bashing them or their work. However, I would vent to my mom and my sister about how little care and consideration they showed by choosing to implement such themes in such a fantastical setting.

When I realized that wasn’t making me feel better, I started blaming myself. I wondered why I couldn’t just feel sad for a little while and then move on like normal people. I didn’t think I had a right to be this upset since this situation didn’t happen to me directly and the woman it did affect wasn’t even part of my biological family. I felt so silly for getting so upset over such lovely fan art that didn’t directly reference or depict anything related to my trauma.

Since it was all in my head, I decided to take matters into my own hands by searching for ways to cope with my anxiety online. Most of the suggestions I found only worked briefly, if at all. I started to feel broken and helpless. Every day I would hope by some miracle that I would be able to rise above it permanently or that I would wake up and my anxiety would be gone forever, or at least stop pestering me unnecessarily.

Eventually, things started to look up for me. After a few less than satisfactory sessions with one therapist, I decided to start over with a different one. When I opened up to her about what I was going through, she revealed to me that I was being triggered. Finally I had a name for that tight sensation in my throat and that sick feeling in my stomach. I realized it was okay to say that I was dealing with trauma.

Now that I had put a name to my feelings, the next step was to figure out how to control them. The first solution came to me when I went back to a fan fiction I hadn’t worked on for over a month. At first, I had trouble focusing and I couldn’t find the right words. But after giving it a few more minutes, the words came to me and my fingers started flying around the keyboard. That’s when I decided not to worry about what everyone else was doing and to just focus on writing what I wanted to see. That meant no more browsing social media, especially Tumblr, for Hadestown fan art or fan fictions except the ones I had seen before and knew could be trusted.

The second solution came from an old book I found lying around my parents’ house. When I opened it, I found a page that said when you feel scared “Put your imagination to work calming you down. Close your eyes and visualize a bright, cheery place. In your mind, rerun a ‘film’ of something pleasant that happened recently or create one about something fun coming up in your life.” Of course, sometimes my negative thoughts interrupt my positive ones. When that happens, I repeat these these words to myself: “I am safe. I am strong. I am loved.” After taking a few deep breaths, I put on another movie.

I also found a lot of solace in my Catholic Faith. Every Friday morning I would go up to Church and join my mother during her hour of adoration. This gave me time to meditate and reflect on my feelings. I could talk to my God about whatever was on my mind and even if I couldn’t see or hear Him, I knew He was listening. This made me realize that perhaps my anxiety isn’t entirely about what happened to my mentor. More often than not, I’m actually overwhelmed with the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Sometimes I need to just slow down and reflect on what truly matters to me: Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.

Finally, I decided to face my past head-on. I searched the website of the place where I completed my practicum. There I found an article stating that my old mentor figure had successfully delivered two, healthy twin girls on November 24th, 2021. After a little over a year of trying to avoid having anything to do with the organization to try and dodge the painful memories, I decided enough was enough. I made and sent a card to her, expressing my most sincere congratulations. Even though I haven’t seen or spoken to her, I knew I had done the right thing by trying to get in touch with her and sending her a message that would make her day.

Conclusion

The death of my mentor’s baby is definitely not something I would like to go through again. Still, this experience has taught me a lot. I realized that trying to blame anyone, even myself, was counterproductive because no one is at fault. Sometimes things just happen that we aren’t prepared for and everyone responds to a crisis differently. I have also learned that my thoughts aren’t always going to be rational because anxiety is often irrational like other feelings and feelings come and go. Besides, my fear stemmed from empathy and sorrow for someone I cared about. That means I have a big heart and I’m not afraid wear it on my sleeve. So instead of trying to bully myself out of anxiety, I just need to live with it. Finally, I learned to be good to myself, not just when I feel anxious but all the time. I can do so by avoiding situations that trigger me when I can and rewiring my thoughts when I can’t avoid my triggers.

If all of this is a bit too wordy or overwhelming, just remember this quote from a beloved Disney film: “The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.”

Update 09/06/2021

Hi everyone! I hope you’re all having a wonderful Labor Day weekend. I know I haven’t posted anything in quite a while and I apologize for that. Trying to come up with something to post every day became exhausting and I ended up avoiding my blog altogether for a period of time. I also ended up getting lost in several other projects along the way. Additionally, I’ve been going through a challenging time in my life with all of the chaos surrounding the new delta strain Coronavirus and my sister, who I share a very close relationship with, leaving for college near the end of last month.

I’m going to try and post more often so I won’t have so subject anyone to large update gaps. Some of the posts will be about my life as a young, autistic woman but I have a few other ideas as well. For my next post, I will provide a short summary of my thoughts on the latest episodes of the Disney+ exclusive series “What If…?” by Marvel Studios. So, you can all look forward to that if you’re interested. In the meantime, I hope this post will give a sufficient explanation for why I’ve been gone so long.

July 17th, 2021

It’s been a while since I’ve made a post on my blog. I tired to update it every day, but then I got distracted by some of my other project ideas. Long story short, I got burned out from trying to keep up with so many tasks. Luckily, I recently took a class at my local community college called Blogging for Beginners. The instructor provided some great advice that I took to heart.

So, as per his advice, I will only be updating my blog once or twice a week. That way, I can focus on some of my other creative projects and still find some time to decompress. I have also heard that adding variety to your page can keep people interested. In addition to my reviews and weekly updates, I will occasionally make posts about some of my favorite books and musicals. Sometimes I will make posts detailing my basic thoughts on a piece of media rather than an in-depth review.

Before I finish this post, I just want to say I hope you’ll learn from my experience. Don’t let yourself get burned out because it’s not a good feeling. Be sure to take breaks when you need to and remember that your emotional and mental well-being is more important than your work. Finally, make sure you have reasonable and realistic expectations for yourself. You may believe that you have to post every day or that you have to complete a project, or part of it, all in one day or night. But doing so might leave you feeling over-tired and stressed out. Instead, break it up bit by bit each day and don’t let yourself get discouraged if you didn’t complete as much in a day as you would have liked.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get to work on a very special, unusual post.

06/27/2021: A Musical Weekend

It’s been a truly musical weekend! Yesterday, my sister and I went to see a small musical at our former high school called “Elementary My Dear.” As the name suggests, it’s a mystery. The premise, in short, is Sherlock Holmes meets Clue. Many of the characters’ names are even references to famous detectives in pop culture such as Nancy Drew and Hercule Poirot. Among all of the singing and dancing and the silly antics is a message about our tendencies to fall into patterns of selfishness.

Obviously, I wasn’t expecting a masterpiece since it was written by a high school drama teacher and performed by actors up to age eighteen. I will admit that it has its fair share of weaknesses. The pace was a bit slow in parts, the mystery portion of the story was difficult to understand, and the songs definitely weren’t the most memorable. Still, the actors gave some pretty strong and sincere performances that brought their quirky characters to life. I was also impressed with how the crew was able to take the audience from the auditorium to a small, London inn with just a few props. This is just one example of a very magical element of theater: the suspension of disbelief.

Today, I saw the movie adaptation of In the Heights for the second time with my dad and sister. The first time around, I loved it. The second time around: I adored it! The catchy tunes, lovable characters, and amazingly talented actors all make Washington Heights look like such a magical place to live. Of course, the story takes time to address some very important issues among the Hispanic and Latino community but makes sure to leave room for the fun stuff too. When I first saw it I had little knowledge of the original musical because I hadn’t seen it or listened to the soundtrack. That was intentional because I wanted to approach it with an unbiased perspective. Now that I’ve seen the movie, I’d like to see what the original source material has in store for me.

Honestly, this is only a small portion of the many things I have to say about the movie. Maybe in the future I’ll discuss how it resonated with me on an artistic level and on a personal level. I might also make a post about some other musicals that I hold near to my heart. There’s so much I love about musicals and theater that I could go on all day.

6/25/2021: A Spiritual Experience

This morning my mom and I went to Church for her weekly adoration hour. I used to find Church rather boring when I was younger. But now I find that I can appreciate the quiet atmosphere. Sometimes I just need to take a break from the chaotic noise life brings me and just spend some time with God. Still, I sometimes have a hard time focusing on what I need to do or what I want to say. Sometimes I don’t even know where to start because I have so much on my mind. Other times it’s because my mind is completely blank. But I’ve found ways to manage these hiccups.

Sometimes I like to bring my prayer journal with me. I often have an easier time organizing my thoughts when I write them down. I’ve also found myself more able to focus on my writing than doing other tasks. On the occasions when I don’t have my journal, I simply talk to God about whatever it is that’s on my mind. Even if it’s about something that might seem silly or unimportant, like my fan fiction ideas or a certain song I can’t get out of my head, I tell Him everything. I just have to remind myself that every prayer, big or small, serious or fun, ordinary or extraordinary; matters.

Even then, sometimes I find myself at a loss for words. When that happens, I take the advice given to me during a worship I attended at college. I sit quietly and I listen. At first, I was confused. How am I supposed to listen when I can’t hear anyone speak to me? But the more I thought about it, the more I understood. See, our lives are often so filled with noise that we rarely find time to stop and think. The quiet time in prayer allows me to look into myself and the world around me for clues as to what God is trying to tell me. These clues help me reflect on who am as a woman, as a citizen, and as a daughter of Christ.

Now, I didn’t make this post just to preach or to force my beliefs down your throat. What I’m trying to say is that my faith brings me a sense of comfort. Since I tend to get overwhelmed by loud noises or too many noises happening all at once, it’s nice to have a place where I can just get away from it all. I also like having someone or something I can turn to when all my other resources fail me.

That’s all I really have for today. Maybe I should try and implement some more quiet time into my schedule during the week. It might give me the motivation and focus I need to complete some of my other projects.

June 24th, 2021: Dog Days of Summer

Today has been kind of a lazy summer day. I took our family dog, Kipper, for a walk this morning and then had some breakfast. Since then, I’ve practiced some piano in preparation for my lesson today. Aside from that, I’m just counting down the days until we can head to Nashville for the Miss Amazing nationals event. I might make a post to better explain Miss Amazing in the future. Until then, I’ll try and get some work done on my other projects.

Update

As you may or may not be able to tell, I’ve changed the name of my blog. This is because I would like to expand on the premise. I originally created this page to share my thoughts and opinions on popular children’s television shows. I still intend to deliver on that initial idea but I will also provide some other posts. My intent is to provide readers with an insight into the daily life of a young woman on the autism spectrum. So, my posts could include anything from daily logs to discussions about topics related to autism. I can’t wait to see how this goes!

“Descendants 3” Quick Thoughts

Just so you all know, I want to do something slightly different with this blog post. Since I’m currently working on my next review, I’ve decided to publish a short post. This isn’t going to be a formal review. Rather, this is just a quick summary of my thoughts on the movie. Since it’s still fairly new, I’ll try to avoid discussing any potential spoilers.

For those who aren’t familiar with the “Descendants” movies, here’s a quick summary of the first two movies. The first Descendants movie was about four kids: Mal (daughter of Maleficent), Evie (daughter of the Evil Queen), Jay (son of Jafar), and Carlos (son of Cruella DeVil) venturing to the kingdom of Auradon to enroll in school as part of the new proclamation by King Ben, the son of Belle and Adam. Meanwhile, the kids begin to question their true identities as they struggle to choose between good and evil. Trust me, it wasn’t as interesting as it sounds. Instead it was a generic teen movie filled with cheesy acting and soon-to-be-dated songs (with a few exceptions).

The plot of the second movie had a similar good versus evil dilemma plot with a side plot focusing on Uma, Ursula’s daughter and Mal’s rival. Although the movie was slightly better due to Dove Cameron and China Anne McClain’s performances, it had the same dated and childish themes as the first movie.

Personally, I thought that this movie wasn’t quite as intriguing as the second movie but not nearly as over-the-top as the first movie. In fact, it began on a relatively positive note with a heartfelt message in memory of the late Cameron Boyce and then the song “Good to Be Bad”.

Although I’m not fond of rap music, the lyrics are decent and flow well with the music. The actors also put a great deal of emotion into their performances and the dance numbers are well-choreographed. My only complaint is that the actors’ voices are heavily auto-tuned and it gets somewhat grating after a while.

Not only was the song itself decent enough, it was also a great opportunity to introduce some of the new villain kids. When I saw the trailers for the movie, I thought that the new kids were going to be the central focus of the movie or at least play a major role in the plot. Unfortunately, it seems as though the only purpose these characters served was to fulfill Ben’s original decree and to create the dilemma over whether or not to permanently close the barrier on the Isle of the Lost. Three out of the four new characters at least had a plausible explanation for their lack of purpose since they were under a sleeping spell for the majority of the movie. However, Celia (the fourth new character) was conscious throughout the movie and she still didn’t use any of her skills to aid the other characters in any way outside of one scene.

Unfortunately, the other characters weren’t much better. The movie centered so heavily on Mal that Evie, Jay, and Carlos weren’t given as much attention. There were some mildly endearing scenes between Carlos and Jane, but that was pretty much it. Because of this, it was difficult to understand who these characters really were and how they had changed since the previous two movies. The first movie included scenes which focused not only on Mal, but the other characters as well. Even though their segments only lasted a short amount of time and jumped around frequently, they still gave viewers some insight into what they learned and how they dealt with the situations they were thrown into.

Audrey, the antagonist, was the most poorly-written character in my opinion. Her character was confusing as well as underdeveloped. Her character in the first movie was similar to many other stereotypical popular girls found in many other movies and TV shows. In the second movie, she wasn’t focused on at all since her actress didn’t return for reasons unknown to me. In this movie she decided to cast a sleeping spell on the majority of the kingdom. As you can tell, this was an incredibly drastic change in her character.

Her motive was first mentioned toward the beginning of the movie. After Ben proposed to Mal, Audrey’s grandmother told her that she should have been with him. As a result, Audrey confronted Mal, saying that she doesn’t deserve Ben.

The first problem with this scene was Audrey’s grandmother. Although her cruelty and bitterness towards Mal were uncomfortable and out-of-place in the first movie, her actions were somewhat understandable. She was obviously upset about not being able to see her daughter for the first sixteen years of her life and took out her hurt feelings on Mal as a result. Nothing in her character or in her previous interactions with Audrey indicated why she would speak to her granddaughter in such a way.

The next problem was that Audrey’s jealousy toward Mal didn’t make much sense. Although she was shown to be upset when Ben broke up with her in the first movie, it only lasted a few seconds. In the following scene, she decided that she wanted to date Chad instead. Although they were revealed to be broken up in the second movie, Chad noted that Audrey broke up with him. There wasn’t any evidence in either of the previous movies explain why she would have such hard feelings.

Then, there’s her villain song…

As I’ve said before, I’m not the biggest fan of rap music. However, I believe that it can convey emotions effectively if care and effort is put in ensuring that the songs reveals something about the character or plot. In this case, it’s obvious that the songwriter only cared about making the lyrics rhyme without any regard for how clearly they express the Audrey’s motive or how well they suit the song’s tone.

This song had so much potential, but inevitably fell flat. Instead of explaining why she’s suddenly so interested in Ben, the lyrics just reiterate how upset she is over Ben’s betrayal. None of the lyrics reveal anything that hasn’t already been revealed in Audrey’s spoken dialogue. This especially problematic in a musical movie because the songs in a musical need to justify their inclusion in the movie.

Because none of the characters have coherent or developed personalities, it’s hard to understand what drives their actions. This results in the characters making decisions which seem stupid or non-nonsensical when more sensible options are available. A good example of this comes toward the end of the movie.

Without spoiling too much; the third-act misunderstanding (a trope found in many movies) comes into play toward the end of the movie. Instead of listening to what Mal has to say, all of the other characters decide to continue the quest without Mal and not one of them tries to understand her. If the movies had taken time to acknowledge that the characters’ impulsiveness was a flaw they need to overcome and didn’t paint Mal as being completely in the wrong, this scene may have stood a better chance.

The most distracting element of the movie was the drastic differences in its overall tone. The first half of the movie mostly consists of the characters cracking jokes and making supposedly hilarious one-liners. Then the second half takes a dark turn when the kids find out that most of their friends and classmates have either been put to sleep or turned to stone. Sometimes the darker and more emotional moments are interrupted by the aforementioned jokes and one-liners. Since I’m trying to avoid including any spoilers, I won’t discuss the climax in depth. I will note that it’s a blatant example of the ill-fitting dark tone.

Overall, I would describe this movie as average to below average for a made-for-TV kids’ movie. Most Disney Channel movies have a reputation for being cheesy, pandering, and dated. I thought that this movie met those criteria almost precisely. I was disappointed by how uninteresting most of the characters were and confused by the conflicting tones. Of course, these are just my personal opinions on this movie and I hope that any parents reading this will form their own opinions and encourage their kids to do the same.